Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
