just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
