I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
