Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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