Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
