my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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