I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
