In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Who died my cat blue again?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
