my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
