i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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