Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
