So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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