i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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