wat bout pragnant strippers??
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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