About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she peed on how many people?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
