No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
