Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This toilet bowl is my home.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
