last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
