oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
