she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
