Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
