I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
