I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
