Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
