I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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