I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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