Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
