Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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