It's like a parade of train wrecks.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
