i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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