Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
