So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
