I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Randomize
