So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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