I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
