Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
