I think I died a long time ago.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
