Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
