I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
