Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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