Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
