I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
