so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
