Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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