I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
