as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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