Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
