So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
