Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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