He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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