I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
