I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
